Buongiorno Principessa!

Alright who put on the horse poo perfume and thought it was a good idea? It smells like you bathed...

May 1st

Peach flavored Mike and Ike tastes like lotion. If I wanted this taste I would just buy a bottle of...

May 1st

I just heard my roommate say “we’re the rootin-est tootin-est hootin-est cowboys...

Apr 30th

I was trying to type the word “student’ but the word “stupid” tried to come...

Apr 30th

My favorite verb? Google…yea it’s a officially a verb now.

Apr 30th

Link

Apr 30th

I have come to the conclusion that one of my students is a magician… Quarters keep falling out...

Apr 29th

To top it off 1 of my students wrote me a letter telling me how good my lesson was and ended it by...

Apr 29th

Taught my first official 5th grade lesson. The students were angels, I want to hug them for being so...

Apr 29th

Walking out of my apt and down the hall not realizing I’m still brushing my teeth? Check.

Apr 29th

Today one of my students with a disability grabbed my boobs.. Multiple times. I feel violated.

Apr 28th

Well hi smoke alarm, has anyone ever told you how annoying you are?

Apr 28th

Dear men of the world, try not to call girls “beefy” even if they are.

Apr 28th

Note to tummy: That’s it, I’ve heard enough outta you. I get it, you want food.

Apr 28th

My tummy is doing that embarrassing roaring like a lion thing bc I’m so hungry. ppl around me...

Apr 28th

I’m going to put our chalk in the food

Apr 27th

OH: I’m going to fart and sneeze at the same time.

Apr 27th

The blinds on my window won’t go down, oh well. I guess the people in the offices across the...

Apr 27th

Set the fire alarm off? Check. Run around like a spaz while screaming because of it? Check.

Apr 26th

2day is my sisters bday. 1 time she bought me a toothbrush…for christmas.Yea shes a good...

Apr 25th

I just told my boobs to relax

Apr 25th

I asked for a medium iced coffee and I was given an extra large. Now I’m walking around with a...

Apr 24th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @ROROROYOURBOAT!!! In honor of this special day I am going to try to say...

Apr 24th

I am going to be a teacher with a bladder/kidney problem…all day in trapped in a room not able...

Apr 23rd

Special ed kid to his teacher: “what’s wrong with you today? You look awful I mean...

Apr 23rd

Dr. Lowery made my day

Apr 23rd

I strongly relate to a Hilary Duff song, I wish I was kidding.

Apr 22nd

Looking into the dentist office across the street I saw the dentist slap the nurse on her butt as...

Apr 21st

I’m going to win a trip to New Zealand

Apr 21st

Remember that time we were wearing snuggies, goggles, and someone asked us what drug/drugs we were...

Apr 20th

“drowning cats” is what @whatthemondo said after I told her to think of something happy.

Apr 20th

I’m still wearing a snuggie and I’m still in public but now I’m also wearing...

Apr 19th

Out in public wearing a snuggie.

Apr 19th

Nobody’s perfect, I’m a nobody, therefore I’m perfect.

Apr 18th

You’re so pretty on Facebook!

Apr 18th

After I sneeze I automatically say thank you even if no says bless you.

Apr 17th

listening to “let’s get retarded” by the black eyed peas on my way to help out in...

Apr 16th

A teacher named Mr. Smart just asked me how to spell the word attendance. Ironic isn’t it?

Apr 16th

Instead of saying cool beans @whatthemondo she said “good beans” I giggled.

Apr 16th

Should I work out? or eat some pizza rolls?

Apr 16th

Greatest feeling in the world: finding out your dunkin donuts gift card has $15 on it when you...

Apr 16th

Sporcle Took Over

Apr 16th

I’m wearing my chasity belt pants today… The pants with three buttons.

Apr 15th

I feel like joining a circus, or taking a pole dancing class…one of the two.

Apr 15th

Either someone punched me in the eye or I have a tumor, one of those explains the redness and pain...

Apr 15th

Black Egg

Apr 12th

My mom is the best.

Apr 12th

This egg is getting a good scratching, my boyfriend should be jealous.

Apr 12th

Dying your hair with Easter egg dye does not work. In fact it doesn’t do anything.. Just an...

Apr 12th

If you go to Church on Easter they give you a free coffee cup? Well that’s new.

Apr 12th

Did you know a woman married the Eiffel Tower? She used to be in love with a bridge.

Apr 11th

High school boys in the car next to me trying to get my phone number. Classy.

Apr 10th

who puts a hair comb in an Easter basket? Happy Easter here’s a comb.

Apr 10th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @ONLY1ME

Apr 10th

He doesn’t own a cat but if he did and I killed it thats the look he just gave me.

Apr 9th

There was a bug in my apt. There isn’t enough room for both of us here. I guess that means...

Apr 9th

I don’t care about money. I just want to be wonderful.

Apr 8th

When a girl says “U bagged me” apparently that means”I’m ur...

Apr 7th

Hung like a peep

Apr 7th

You come with me we have sexy good time.

Apr 7th

You know you’re tired when you reach for you glasses but pick up a pair of scissors instead.

Apr 7th

Note to self:

Apr 5th

You know you are e nerd when you figure out how to make a true elipse by pressing alt ; and...

Apr 5th

OH: “I’m old, sex is funny

Apr 5th

I’m stalking the Olympic committee…just your average Friday night.

Apr 4th

OH: “I’m old now sex is funny”

Apr 4th

OH: “my friend Michelle pees herself everytime she sneezes”

Apr 4th

My mom shaved most of the air off my already really awkward looking cat. I have never seen such an...

Apr 3rd

Satisfying my Taco Bell needs

Apr 3rd

RT@threadless: In celebration of passing 200k followers, we’re giving away $200 in GC today!...

Apr 3rd

6 inches

Apr 3rd

Last night someone told me that I know everything. I’m glad someone FINALLY realizes it.

Apr 2nd

When I walk past an automatic door and it opens for me i feel like i’ll hurt its feelings if i...

Apr 2nd

The day the homeless man yelled at me

Apr 2nd

If your foot doesn’t feel better remember you have a grandpa

Apr 2nd