Buongiorno Principessa!

I have a friend coming over, I should probably have some common decency and put a bra on

Apr 1st

Whenever I see the number 8 I get really excited.

Mar 31st

T9 Makes me say I’m “eating” when I want to say I’m “dating” it...

Mar 31st

Giant snowangel

Mar 30th

So someone drew a beard on my face..

Mar 29th

Someone suggested Roommater and I get a joint checking account because we share everything.

Mar 29th

Yea I’m flirting with a ship

Mar 29th

Girls in dresses doing handstands in the dark in my apt right now.

Mar 29th

Nothing like a four am diner run.

Mar 28th

Laughing at the sound of other people urinating… I know could I be any more awkward?

Mar 28th

Bringing a root beer float to my security guard.. Yea I’m cool.

Mar 28th

Totally for sure I just got a manicure

Mar 28th

Having random urges to kiss all my girlfriends on their cheeks.. All the time. It’s kind of a...

Mar 28th

Being touristy where I live. It’s jolly good fun.

Mar 28th

You don’t have to squat in the corn!

Mar 28th

This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to do arts and...

Mar 27th

This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to do arts...

Mar 27th

Weird stuff in my room

Mar 26th

Mr. Polka: My hippo

Mar 26th

Two things: 1) my hair looks like absolute crap today. 2) I just sewed a button my my shirt.. While...

Mar 26th

One of my 5th grade students told me she likes my hair when I’m not “packing it”...

Mar 26th

I put on my jeans just now and they felt a little funny. Turns out my undie’s from yesterday...

Mar 25th

Not only am I texting cha-cha for love advice, I’m starting to believe it. This is an all new...

Mar 25th

You know you’ve reached a new low when you are texting cha-cha for love and relationship...

Mar 24th

Just finishing putting Henna in @loveisneverkind’s hair. It smelled like poop, it looked like...

Mar 24th

People who shave their arms remind me of dolphins. I don’t even know why but when I see a...

Mar 24th

The dramatic passive aggressive status updates are simply a pathetic cry for attention.

Mar 24th

A true elevator story

Mar 24th

So I’m not graduating next year?

Mar 23rd

Ice cream on my crotch? Check.

Mar 23rd

I’m in a -dance around my apt and listen to the same song over and over again-mood.

Mar 23rd

Somehow I magically have 7 pairs of scissors. This is really odd where are these scissors coming...

Mar 23rd

A friend of my dad’s saw some ducks and said “I’m gonna take a picture, I hope...

Mar 23rd

My Granny talking about her date: “He showed me his bull dozer last night”I have a dirty...

Mar 23rd

My bedroom smells like grapes. Seriously not just a hint of grapes, but like a grape bomb went off.

Mar 22nd

There are 7 hungry tigers in my underwear drawer. At least last time I counted by now there are...

Mar 21st

Do you wanna see how a short person uses a phone?

Mar 21st

Dove deodorant makes me wanna dance in my underwear.

Mar 21st

The only reason someone could possibly need a handkerchief is if they feel the need to save their...

Mar 21st

hey lady I dont know who told you it was a good idea to wear mens board shorts to a nice restaurant...

Mar 21st

You know you are way too gullible when you buy teeth whitener because an ad on facebook told you too

Mar 21st

Old

Mar 20th

Payphones

Mar 20th

When my web browser quits unexpectedly I feel like it’s my computer trying to tell me I spend...

Mar 20th

A bear hug? Those are often fatal.

Mar 19th

I saw this and lost my breath…

Mar 18th

I’ve been twitter pantsed. I guess I deserved it leaving myself logged in and away from my...

Mar 18th

What makes you the dog period expert?

Mar 18th

Pants status: family sized!

Mar 18th

Five Feet

Mar 17th

Today my lip fell asleep.It was a weird experience I’ve never had b4.I wish someone was around...

Mar 17th

Ya know when you are trying to hide from someone so you go behind a dark corner but it the person is...

Mar 17th

I wish I worked at twitter. @markhoppus is just hanging out with @biz

Mar 17th

OH: You can’t take off a girls pants while she’s crying. It seems wrong.

Mar 16th

Naked People

Mar 15th

Going to the castle for two days where cell phone service is unheard of.

Mar 15th

The fish gets dizzy from love

Mar 15th

My Granny telling me about her date with 78yr. old Pete:”it was busy, I was nonstop”

Mar 15th

I feel like a farmer and I like it.

Mar 14th

Last night I dreamt Tina Fey was my eye doctor. She was a great doctor.

Mar 14th

Following Christ

Mar 12th

Bryan Brinkman experiment

Mar 12th

He said, “You dont like feet” I heard, “I like you” so naturally I responded...

Mar 12th

Two of my favorite men are on the Jimmy Fallon show! Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht. Woo!

Mar 12th

The thing I ordered off an infomercial has arrived!

Mar 11th

Some just told me I was her wet cement. I think she was complimenting me

Mar 11th

I sat on a toilet only to fall directly onto the floor because the seat was broken. I wish I was...

Mar 11th

A true story about comandeering my rum

Mar 10th

Steve Wozniak and Shawn Johnson on dancing with the stars!!?! This is an epic tv show experience.

Mar 10th

And I thought people didn’t wear nipple tassles. Silly me.

Mar 9th

Roommate just yelled “WOW” with excitement after seeing an emoticon.

Mar 9th

Last nights party

Mar 9th

Roommate and I have been dreadfully sore all day today…we have no idea why

Mar 9th

Surviving College

Mar 7th

Kissing in a field of sprinkles sounds great.

Mar 7th

My mom just called me cause she thought I got arrested.

Mar 7th

Mini bottles of liquor are illegal in chicago.

Mar 7th

You know you’re out of shape when holding paper makes your arm tired

Mar 6th

I was offered a discount bc i look like i’m in HS Instead of $50 it would be $25 to bad...

Mar 6th

I saw a man wearing a dress, 2 ppl pretending to have sex on opposite sides of a window & old...

Mar 5th

I hate it when I walk into a public restroom when someone is pooping. It’s disgusting and...

Mar 5th

Today I stuffed my jacket into my backpack. It’s really nice out. I could get use to this.

Mar 5th

You better now have S or you’ll go to H-E-double hockey stick!

Mar 5th

Guess who got snuggies? That’s right, me and my roommates. Be jealous.

Mar 5th

I can’t hang out with you, you like salad.

Mar 4th

I successfully ran forehead first into a revolving door. This might bruise tomorrow..

Mar 4th

There is nothing like getting a knock at my door in the middle of the night then opening the door...

Mar 3rd

Everything I’m wearing is brown. I look like a terd.

Mar 2nd

most of all

Mar 2nd

This morning I woke up wondering how Hilary Duff is doing. Don’t ask me why, I think...

Mar 2nd

You don’t want to take advice from me I ate a Three Musketeers for breakfast and my bra is...

Mar 2nd

Mismatched together

Mar 1st

Roommate just called someone a poop-stain. That’s a pretty bad dis.

Mar 1st

Blue Raspberry Warhead and fruit punch Mondo. It’s the breakfast of champions.

Mar 1st