Buongiorno Principessa!

I think I just broke my nose….I was scratching it. It was an intense itch I suppose

Aug 1st

I think I’m in love with a guest on myth busters

Jul 31st

WHen you asked “where is Jay?” I should have said, “In my pants”

Jul 31st

Anyone want to go to warp tour this saturday? I have two free tickets..

Jul 31st

Yes I am that girl wearing polka-dotted panties with a white skirt. And yea you can see through.

Jul 31st

It’s weird hearing an old lady call my flip flops “thongs”

Jul 31st

I want a yoga mat.

Jul 30th

Free tshirt! I love my life

Jul 30th

9yr. old Annie:”Annette my eyes are green and my hair is brown just like you! Does that mean...

Jul 30th

This is the part of my night where I take my contacts out, put on my dorky crooked glasses and play...

Jul 30th

I sprained my ankle?

Jul 29th

Just built the best fort of my life. I should seriously get a prize for this

Jul 29th

I’m in the mood for carrot juice

Jul 29th

My tomagotchi died. It was a pretty graphic death for a virtual pet.

Jul 29th

Oh the education debate.

Jul 29th

I asked @arvmazing to breathe if he thought I was pretty….he held his breath til it was...

Jul 29th

This might sound mean but when your boobs sag down to your knees I think it’s safe to say you...

Jul 29th

BBQ sauce on my boobs. Explanation needed? Probably. Am I going to give you one? No.

Jul 29th

This is the part of my morning where I drink buckets of coffee.

Jul 29th

You look like you’re having a baby

Jul 29th

3 boys, 2 girls, and 1 broken toe

Jul 28th

Reader Friendly

Jul 28th

Dear Whale, I love how you fail

Jul 26th

My Whale

Jul 26th

I swear to god if this girl sends me ONE MORE facebook application request I will delete her as my...

Jul 24th

I feel like I might twitter about trains more than I should. Oh well here is one more, this train is...

Jul 24th

I love wednesday morning. It’s quite possibly my favorite morning.

Jul 24th

I really love my job. Sure I get hit in the face at least once a week and my shoulder needs medical...

Jul 24th

The ridiculously flashy ad on the side of my browser is oddly mesmerizing

Jul 24th

This so called “shrimp” in my Ramon noodles is a joke and I refuse to eat it. There is...

Jul 24th

I just witnessed one of my coworkers make a little girl do 100 pushups because she has a wart on her...

Jul 24th

Hunger is making me angry

Jul 24th

35 Days

Jul 24th

Sex toy or popsicle? You decide.

Jul 23rd

Almost got owned by three bikers. It was a close one

Jul 23rd

Ewwww I am going to go to work without showering first!

Jul 23rd

just my luck. I sat on the train right behind a screaming baby. I am talking a screeching bloody...

Jul 23rd

I pretty much hate my sisters cat right now, what kind of cat smears poop ALL ACROSS THE FLOOR?!...

Jul 23rd

Good morning george how are you?I hope you’re feeling fine

Jul 23rd

Got hit in the face…again. Oh the joys of being a gymnastics coach.

Jul 23rd

There is a good chance I just purchased the great white shark song off itunes. It is my new...

Jul 23rd

Sometimes my students drive me crazy. Today I made one of them cry.

Jul 23rd

In the future I’ll just trust my instincts

Jul 23rd

I drink tomato soup more than anyone should. Today I had it for both lunch and dinner.

Jul 23rd

Ok I took a picture of the popsicle that could easily be mistaken for a sex toy.

Jul 23rd

Eating a very in appropriate popsicle…but it’s so tasty

Jul 23rd

I should seriously take a picture of this popsicle. The design is ridiculous.

Jul 23rd

Holy shit muffin! I won a game of pool on my phone!!!

Jul 23rd

A short story about a giant

Jul 22nd

You and I need to get together again, for old...

Jul 21st

OH: It’s always take your pants off time

Jul 20th

Enjoying sex on the beach and fuzzy navel with @Folie for my half bday celebration if anyone wants...

Jul 20th

Shit is that man walking around with pimple juice on his shirt?

Jul 20th

These grapes are oddly satisfying

Jul 20th

medically speaking I’m adorable

Jul 20th

If I was a great white I wouldn’t bite you but I’d swim right next to you

Jul 19th

The Greatest Week of the Year

Jul 19th

Listening to the Batman soundtrack at work I feel like I’m waiting in line for a roller...

Jul 19th

Ah I can’t do anything! Disco(my comp) is frozen!

Jul 19th

My mouth hurts which is really irritating because I use my mouth a lot

Jul 19th

I feel bad for anyone working in a movie theatre right now

Jul 19th

Sometimes the greatest feeling in the world is going to the bathroom when you really need it

Jul 19th

Dear iPhone, give me back my boyfriend. Kthanks

Jul 19th

Between freckles, Natalie, and occassionally Jessica I never win.

Jul 19th

OH: I saw Jesus at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey once

Jul 18th

Dear nine hour work day, we need to talk. It’s not you It’s me. I just don’t think...

Jul 18th

Queen is genius for writing we are the champions and we will rock you.those songs will be used in...

Jul 18th

I just got hit in the face. There is blood involved, my face might never be the same

Jul 17th

Oh god my mouth hurts, my kissing days are OVER.

Jul 17th

Having lunch with a dinosaur before work.

Jul 17th

I could bite you

Jul 17th

who needs to work out when it is this hot out? I am sweating my brains out.

Jul 16th

What kind of person that lives off a coaches salary can afford a Gucci purse

Jul 16th

Woman on the side of the road dressed in a nice business suit staring at the road kill with hands...

Jul 16th

I steal more Gatorade from my workplace then we sell. It’s a serious problem I have

Jul 15th

This kid is only ten but its obvious he in a flammer

Jul 15th

Hey aunt Flow, leave me the hell alone. I’m tired of you

Jul 15th

WHERE ON EARTH IS MY RING?

Jul 15th

Oh…there it is. I apologize for the premature freak out

Jul 15th

Maybe I should spend my college tuition money...

Jul 15th

Welcome home larger version of puppy

Jul 15th

The gymnastics coach that can’t do cartwheels

Jul 14th

The day I decide to spend at the beach my aunt Flow comes to visit. Sorry aunt Flow, I’m still...

Jul 13th

Annette-1 Arvin-0

Jul 13th

Getting hit on by females.

Jul 13th

You know whats weird? Feeling drunk when you haven’t been drinking.

Jul 12th

My leg is bleeding miserably. Poor thing, wish I could help it.

Jul 11th

I got a new pair of jeans, boyfriend got an iPhone…somehow I think he got the better end of...

Jul 11th

I was having the best Panera Bread meal ever. Then when I had about two bites left I found a bug in...

Jul 11th

I touched @ryanm15’s iPhone before he did!

Jul 11th

God I am a trooper

Jul 11th

Woo! Four and a half hours later I am in the store!

Jul 11th

This guy is so weird. Nice, but weird. He got into the Apple store and yelled, “worship...

Jul 11th

Almost four hours later. I’m still in line for the new iPhone…I’m not even in the...

Jul 11th

Two men under one umbrella. Screaming nerds. Big bug on the wall. Intense rain=my morning

Jul 11th

Standing in line awaiting the new iPhone. The only difference between me and everyone else here is...

Jul 11th

The new guy at work looks like Clark Kent.

Jul 10th

Is it bad that I’m a little sacred of a 9 year old? She keeps talkin about how she loves...

Jul 10th

Sometimes I want to favorite my own tweets. Does that make me conceited?

Jul 10th

I really love it when I send a text to twitter that I intended to send to my mother. Oops.

Jul 10th

I am having a very cocky day.

Jul 9th

What I like about me

Jul 9th

Whoa somebody splurged and got the fancy soft toilet paper. It makes my tush feel like a queen!

Jul 9th

I hate when I have so much laundry my hampers (yes that is plural meaning I have more than one)...

Jul 9th

There are piles (they look like mountains) of dirty clothes on my floor, how did this happen?

Jul 9th

I’m not a perv but I wonder, what sex would be like for two deaf people?

Jul 9th

Chai tea date with my favorite

Jul 9th

I am pretty sure I just saw the most attractive dad ever. If there was hottest dad award he would...

Jul 8th

Now how am I suppose to coach three different gymnastics classes at the same time?

Jul 8th

Who knew I needed more stuff?

Jul 8th

I realize that one of my tweets didn’t make sense today and for that I’m sorry. In my...

Jul 8th

My mom told me I couldn’t buy a beach towel that didn’t match my swim suit told me that...

Jul 7th

Great. I made my mom sad

Jul 7th

If you’re into it

Jul 7th

You said “is that it?” but I know what you’re trying to say. You’re trying...

Jul 7th

Told my 7 yr. Old cousin she’d earn five dollars if she found a pink leaf just to keep her...

Jul 6th

OH: wild or not there is no reason to put a pig in a headlock

Jul 6th

OH: I got home and there was weeds in my underwear. I don’t know how that happened

Jul 6th

I had a dream I lost my underwear

Jul 5th

My cousin has 100,000 chickens. I just thought that needed to be said.

Jul 5th

If you ask @trippinforyou what movie we watched last night she’ll make kissy noises followed...

Jul 4th

Happy July 4th. Let’s proudly wave our American flags that were made in China

Jul 4th

Someone fixed my Rainbow

Jul 4th

Aw come on, one more?

Jul 3rd

Smacking your girlfriends ass in public is not classy dude

Jul 3rd

Nasty coworkers are being nice now? What is going on with the world

Jul 3rd

Most of the time landscapers remind me of ghostbusters

Jul 2nd

I should have pretended to be deaf

Jul 2nd

I thought I saw someone extremely attractive today, it turns out it was just my reflection

Jul 2nd

We live in perverted times my friend

Jul 2nd

I am listening to a 30 something year old woman laughing and making fun of a nine year old girl for...

Jul 2nd

I drink more capri suns then anyone should. I could probably set a record for most capri sun drank...

Jul 1st

Bored at work 6 year old Kate says to me in a serious concerned adult voice, “hey are you ok?...

Jul 1st

In all seriousness, I just attempted to walk through a door without opening it first. My nose hurts.

Jul 1st

Your overly pimped out facebook page freaks...

Jul 1st

Some stupid kid thinks that @KevinRose is the creator of Facebook.

Jul 1st

I broke a toilet paper dispenser. I guess pulling toilet paper out of it was too much to ask, it...

Jul 1st